It’s busy downtown despite the weather. And it makes me feel like everybody is looking at me as I pass them.
Is it that visible? I feel like it’s written on my forehead.
There’s a guy who’s wearing a coat like you do. And there is another who wears the same cologne. Abercrombie and Fitch. I can smell it from miles away.
One even smiles at me. He looks quite friendly and for a split second I want to smile back; but I don’t.
Because they aren’t you. The more I look for you, the further I drift away from where you are. There is a physical distance between us and I’ve never felt it more than I do now.
At night it’s the worst. I’m staring in the darkness, listening to my own heartbeat.Trying to discover something in the dark that isn’t there. I try to watch a movie, but can’t stand the characters. They are too happy and too sad. Too fake. Too Hollywood.
When I get up the next morning my body feels broken. I decide to go for a run anyways and make it a long one. Ten miles later I collapse on the couch. I fall back to sleep just so I can get my thoughts off of everything. Off of you.
I wake up to a text. Actually, there are a bunch of texts. You feel the same way, you write. And life is not fair. And you will see mee way sooner than you think. It doesn’t make me feel any better, because nothing can. But I still smile, because at least you are there, on the other side of the line. And that’s something.